Pretty can wait.  Paint can wait.  Everything can just fucking wait.

Its just all too close, too real.  Thats my city.  I had friends running, friends watching, a niece across the street in lockdown... the waiting to hear from them, and then hearing their accounts, the news- constant news- its everywhere.  I am angry and sad and my heart hurts, I'm lost today.
I have written and deleted this post too many times already, and words don't make sense.  I feel like a rambling mess.  Not much makes sense actually.

My heart and prayers go out to all the families affected by this tragedy and to all the responders that selflessly risked their own lives to help others.  And for peace.  
This violence can happen in any city, and I pray that it will just stop.

My niece slept over last night and we talked about the day.  
She had gone down to the finish line on her lunch break and left shortly before the blast. 
 She just kept telling me how awesome it felt to be down there watching finishers... it was a beautiful day, the crowd was so excited, she said it was one of those days where you just felt so proud to be a Bostonian.  "It was awesome..." is what she kept saying.  That statement is what I am trying to hold on to and focus on despite the horrific events that followed for her shortly after, despite the gruesome images that keep filling my brain.  I was hit by an M-80 firework on Halloween when I was 17 by a bunch of asshole kids throwing eggs (and an M-80) from a car, and I remember the pain and terror I felt when it exploded right next to me and how that is nothing, nothing at all in comparison to what all these bystanders experienced. I cannot imagine, and I am doing my best to squelch my vivid imagination.  

Knowing that we will grow stronger and prouder and that despite a cowardly asshole's attempt, people will continue to run and cheer and say "it was awesome".  We need to hold on to that feeling.  The goodness and happiness we felt before, the innocence, and not let it get taken away by fear and evil because then they win.  
That is what I am trying to focus on today, and it isn't easy... because not much else makes sense.


Heather Peterson said...

Thinking about all my Boston friends and family, yesterday, today, and for weeks to come. Take care.


Tiffany Leigh said...

A beautiful post Danika. Let us also hold on to the image of all those running towards the blast to help those in need, true heroes that the world needs more of. Someone yesterday said to me that "the scary thing is people will be back running the marathon next year". My reply? "That's not scary, that shows strength and resilience. It's beautiful".

My Interior Life said...

Amen. You said it all so eloquently. It's really just unfathomable that these horrific events happen in the first place. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this horrible act of cruelty and cowardice.


AngieintheCountry said...

Our hearts are broken for those directly affected and for our humanity. Sending you loving thoughts and watching the multitudes of people who rushed in (are rushing in) to help.

samantha ramage said...

so sad. i have no idea what to think or say either.


Lucy Eyelesbarrow said...

Hugs. It is hard to figure out what to say or think of at a time like this.


Unknown said...

Bless you and everyone involved and all of us in the grand ol U S of A. Thanks for baring your soul, and I hope each day gets better.
xo Nancy

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

It is indeed horrific. There is nothing to say ... but our actions, coming together, continuing to be proud to be a Bostonian and all the good is what we have to focus on. We cannot be beaten by these sick people. xo


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